The Look of Love

Clifford (the big, red, 90 lb dog) has become increasingly aggressive with his sexual advances. Im not saying that it isnt flattering. But it has also become potentially dangerous. Today, after our walk, I unlocked the building's front door only to be pushed up against the wall and awkwardly humped for what seemed like minutes. After finally getting the World's Largest Dog to calm down, i walked into the elevator and almost flew into the adjacent wall as Clifford once again attempted to "get to know" me.

Now, most dogs humping your leg is nothing more than a small nuisance. It might even be deemed as adorable. But, when the equivalent of Sasquatch tries to make love to you, it's a bit different.

Luckily, I've learned to look for the signs: There were a few times, when I was reaching out to pick up after him, and his paw gently grazed my hand. Then there will be the "look".... maybe your eyes will meet for just a second, before you both turn away. Soon, he will crack a sly grin, which can often be confused as hunger or #2. When his eyes seem to glaze over, you're still in the clear; Meaning, you are only at Stage One and there's still time to distract him with a squirrel or dog treat. But, when you feel the warm, slow-moving dog breath panting subtly on your lower back, you might as well just accept your fate.

This past weekend, I spoke to Clifford's owners about the awkward circumstance I seem to find myself in every day after our walk. They were extremely empathetic and kind enough to bring me downstairs and walk me outside. But I was uncomfortable with the look of pride they gave clifford as he, once again, humped me in the elevator on the way down.