Spin Cycle

Tuesday sucked. I had just gotten back in town from a last minute trip to Minnesota for my grandfather's funeral. I was exhausted, emotional and it was pouring outside. I love rainy days...when you get to stay indoors, drink hot chocolate and watch A&E documentaries. But I no longer have such luxuries. Nope, on a day when most people look out of their office windows praying that the rain will let up just long enough for them to make a mad (5 minute) dash to the subway after work, I was out walking dogs...For about 4 hours.

Tuesday also happened to be my first day walking Clifford (the big red 90-lb dog). I think the truest test of a dog walker is to walk a 90-lb dog for the first time while trying to keep your balance on the slippery streets of China town and also hold an umbrella. Oh, and Clifford runs after cats. Afterwards, he tried to hump me in the elevator. It wasn't that disgusting, as much as comforting... Being that he is 90 lbs, it just felt like a much-needed, vibrating hug.

And, what else... Oh yeah, the person I had hired to walk the Upper East Side (we'll call her "Schmucky"), up and quit on me Tuesday. I had previously asked that she give me two weeks notice, but unfortunately, the other job she just accepted needed her the next day, coincidentally, right around the time of her scheduled walk. I should have known Schmucky was a dud when she didn't show up to our first interview, showed up twenty minutes late to our training session, and two days into dog walking, could no longer work Fridays. Yes, in retrospect, she sucked. But, to her credit, right after dropping the bomb, she did offer her condolences to me and my family.

So, to recap, I came home Tuesday night, soaking wet from the rain, freaking out from the lack of a dog walker, and slightly bruised from being on the receiving end of Clifford's day out.

Yesiree, Tuesday sucked. But today was just ridiculous.

Because today, Billy rolled in dogdoo. Now, you may ask "how does one go about cleaning poop off of a dog in an apartment you neither own, nor are accustomed to"? Well, I don't exactly know. But here's what I learned...right after I finished crying:

First its important to remove the crap-infested collar and clean it off. This was the point where I realized that poop was everywhere: In my fingernails, on my shirt, in the sink, in my hair.

The next step is generally to freak out -- realize that you still have dogs to walk that day.. In the next 15 minutes. Look around for towels, if you cant find them, then stick the dog in the shower, turn on the water and pray that this somehow works out. That seemed like an ok plan until Billy shook dogdoo-water all over the place... splattering brown droplets on the walls and floors of the bathroom. This is what I call "Code Red".

Just as I was searching under the sink for some disposable towels, Billy ran out of the bathroom and started shaking everywhere. every. where. At this point, I would generally recommend crying again. It cant hurt. Then call your boyfriend. Then wipe down the walls.

It was now 1:45 and I was 20 minutes late to my next dog appointment. So after I cleaned as much as I could, I had to leave. I called Billy's owner (Jilly) and left a voicemail, a text message, and I shot off a flare...And then went to my next appointment.

When the phone finally rang with Jilly's name on the caller end, I felt my stomache drop. I was prepared to offer (or rather, insist) to come back in the evening and help clean. I picked up the phone and rambled on incessantly about the goings on of the walk, and how sorry I was. And when I finally took a second to breath, I heard Jilly's voice on the other end, laughing hysterically at the story I had just told. She wasn't mad, she was more amused by the whole thing and said: "I just think its really funny that you put him in the shower." She also said that the text message I had sent her at the pinnacle of my panic, was equally funny: "Emergency: Billy has rolled in poop. Please call."

So, I guess things aren't all bad. They're just messy and still smell of dog poop...But even that can be cleaned up. And tomorrow's a new day.