Crap.

Perfectly describes both the day I had, and what I stepped in.

Oddly enough the day didn’t start off too badly (— oh, before I move on, please note that the sarcasm level is at an all time high today... continue—) I got up at 5am in Minneapolis. Barely slept the night before after saying good bye to my terminally ill grandfather. (Probably one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. Not just "goodbye". Goodbye Period. Horrible.)

Landed 30 minutes late, and watched the luggage revolver wind around for what seemed like hours before my jam-packed, too-large-for-carryon baggage finally rolled my way. And of course, it was buried under an awkward shaped pinkish-greenish Barbie-patterned bag, which was clearly used to camouflage the non-children-friendly contents; An obvious overabundance of some innocent child's mother's things. (I can only imagine the little girl's disappointment when she realized she was simply a pawn in her mother's ploy to stash hair gel, tooth paste, pliers and anything else prohibited from the airplane).

Once I was able to jimmy my bag from the mountain of crap (note: the theme) from which it was suffocating beneath, I ran outside to catch a cab. Please note, "jimmying a bag" consists of holding on to whatever appendage of the bag is within arms reach and laying on the ground hoping that as you’re being pulled around in a great circle, your leg or foot will at some point catch onto something on the floor and you will either come to a stop, or the bag will fall off the ramp. A mixture of the two happened.

I ran outside amidst a sea of cabby's — each hoping that I would be a foreigner and could, therefore, be weaseled into hitching a ride and paying a ridiculous fare — even more ridiculous than that of the jacked-up prices of the yellow cab that I was able to quickly wave down. (Maybe the only non-crap moment of the day).

Finally, I made it home. And by "finally", I mean after a 45-minute drive in bumper-to-bumper traffic. At this point there was no way I could make it to my first dog walking appointment. I had to call back up... which sucked as I was really looking forward to the adorable French Bull Dog awaiting me.

Once I got my bearings, I was able to haul ass to my second appointment: The highly popular (and sexually active), Billy, who today, was probably the horniest I’ve ever seen him (or any other non-human male). After awkwardly pulling him off about 5 dogs, I was able to bring him home and head uptown.

On the way, I got a nose bleed.

And then we come to the pinnacle of the story...the reason I began on this tirade in the first place. I stepped in crap. I knew it was bound to happen at some point, but not so soon. and not like this.

I walked into my client's swank east 80's apartment. The place is amazing — everything is polished and expensive, right down to the marble floors and unlocked doors. (Apparently, there's no need to lock your doors when you're really really rich. For me, my non-wealthy doors lock by themselves, and (in one case in particular) refused to budge until a neighbor was kind enough to open them with a credit card. Ahhh...Safety first.)

I sashayed through the front corridor (Its classier to sashay) and gently opened the kitchen door to find sweet little 4-month old Hannah excited and ready to go. I looked over my shoulder to see a stash of money Hannah's owner had left for me. Right beneath, on the floor below, lay a considerably large-sized deposit of dog poop. Unfortunately I didn’t see THAT, until I had walked over to grab the money and stepped right in it. In retrospect, the placement seemed a little too perfect. Almost planned out.

In any case, I stepped in crap. It was everywhere. It was disgusting. But damn my amazingly empathetic nature (and good looks), I couldn’t be upset with the little pischer. I just felt badly, cause you could tell she knew she did something wrong. And truthfully, its not her fault. If she could strap on her own leash, sashay out the door and walk herself, she would. She's just a little puppy and she's just learning the ropes.

So, I tucked my tail between my legs, cleaned up the floor and went on my way... hoping that tomorrow will be a little better.