Creepy

Strange thing happened today.

I was assaulted by two psychotic individuals hailing cell phone pictures of their dogs. I didn’t know these people – actually I had never seen them before in my life. And still, they freaked out, dodged traffic and, arms outstretched, virtually vomited their little pixilated puppies all over me.

One minute, I was enjoying a leisurely walk with Fizzy, the next, I was cooing awkwardly over fuzzy fingerprinted pictures still emulating warmth from the bottom of this stranger's pocket. And no, they didn’t want me to walk their dog... they just wanted me to look at him. After stroking their ego for what seemed like 10 minutes, I walked away feeling used.

Here's the deal: I’m not one to get excited over baby pictures (I’ve often compared them to awkward potatoes with faces), and I’m starting to realize that I just don't want to see random pictures of your dog either. Its not fun. Bring me a dog in person and you wont be able to tear my adorable little paws away from him...but the afternoon cellphone montage just doesn’t do it for me. Its sort of creepy.

Mascara

Its freezing cold outside. The news is reporting zero and sub zero temperatures -- though I don't think its actually dipped below the teens. For New Yorkers its still considered the end of the earth as we know it. For Minnesotans, its what we call springtime.

Brief exposure to this "what-I-imagine-hell-to-be-like" weather can lead to frostbite in our little, canine friends. But we, your loyal dog walkers, still trek through the frozen tundra to make sure that no dog is left with crossed legs. We are the champions of winter. While you are sitting, toasty in your fancy office, sipping your margaritas and being fanned by a band of Tropicana girls, I'm trying to defrost the icicle snot that has formed on my face.

But I'm not complaining. I'm wearing two layers of long underwear over my thick, knit stockings; hand warmers in my heavy duty gloves; a ski mask; goggles and mascara. That's right. I may look like the love child of the abominable snowman and his Yeti mistress, I may have to "pee on the go" to maintain feeling in my legs, but underneath it all, I like to look nice. After all, I'm a professional.